Even when I’m running late, and feeling disheveled, I feel grateful for the life I have. This morning, I let my alarm go off for nearly an hour, and finally woke up only thanks to sweet Simba. I let the pups out to do their business, and they came right back in after. I herded them into the bathroom, showered quickly, basking momentarily in the warmth of the water. It took me too long to get dressed, still. Skinny black pants, a gray sweater and a statement necklace – doesn’t seem like rocket science but there are always too many factors in mind. By the time I walked out the door, through the garage and got into the car, it was after 8:30, but it was okay. I talked to my dad as I drove to Starbucks to switch cars with Aaron and get a coffee. A venti pumpkin chai with 2 shots of espresso welcomed me, not to mention my sweet man’s face.
Our life here in Pittsburgh is much lighter than our life in Atlanta was. The city is slower-paced, and more in-tune with how we are. While I make the same salary here as I did in Atlanta, my job now equates to my paycheck. Before, I was responsible for so much, and carried so many mental and emotional burdens for other people. There’s no doubt it weighed me down and made my life feel heavier. Now, I am just one piece of a larger puzzle, a pebble on the beach, and I can go home without feeling panicked or worried about the progress of a project. The raise I got by coming here wasn’t a financial one, it was a lifestyle bonus. My job takes up an appropriate portion of my time and my soul, and inspires me to work on my larger journey – writing, yoga, mindfulness.
Last night I returned to my mat with passion. The first 20 minutes were a little stiff, but once my heart rate was up and the sweat started to run down my chest, I felt the emotional release I was craving. There’s a push and pull in yoga, between the simplicity of what you’re doing and the complexity. In some ways, yoga is the simplest thing in my life. I go to my mat, I stand, I stretch, I pose. Just me and the mat. Simple. And yet when I am there I am deep inside myself, feeling the physical motions of my body coincide with the emotional turmoil. I don’t think it was a coincidence that I had crazy dreams last night, either. I stirred up and began opening some of the barriers that had formed in the last few weeks. Not practicing, or at least not getting into a flow consistently, can stifle some of that growth and openness. I feel light when my heart is open because all of my feelings are in my awareness, and I have released my judgments of how I feel.
What I have learned so far in this new found life of light, is that we control the weight of our worlds, even if it doesn’t seem that way. Inside of yourself, you have the ability to decide how much things impact your happiness, and you have the power to release your judgments. I’m working towards an ever lighter life, in hopes that when I bring new life into this world they won’t be burdened by the heaviness of my past or my present, but rather inspired by the sphere of gratitude our world is surrounded by.